I got a new room. It's new to me, at least.
He left. It's so empty now, it's cold and vacant.
I miss my brother, i didn't even get to say my goodbyes as how i'd pictured it. I wished i was brave enough to say i loved him and how proud i was to be his little sister. His books still remain, his computer's still here and even his smell lingers in his room. He left his perfumes and i spray it to sleep every night. I read his notes and laugh by myself. Everything that belonged to him is still here, just not him.
I came back from school today and the first thing i did as i entered my house was scream at my maid. I don't know why, but nothing got me more aggravated than what she'd done. It's not her fault but i'm pretty sure i told, or warned, her not to leave them open nor open them at all. She left the widows open. She freaking left the windows open.
I think i'm nuts. Im going to the extent of spraying his perfume everyday and lighting a cigarette in his room just to give it the stench he carried around with him. I miss how he'd criticize about my overloaded ass, of how bad i smelled and how ugly i seemed to him. I miss how i used to catch him watching porn in his room and how i'd threatened him i'd tell mum if he didn't get me whatever i wanted. I miss playing scrabble with him. I miss going out late at night to binge on greasy chinese food. I even miss all of his deafening friends. I miss everything about him.
It's been exactly 7 days now, since it's 2.30 in the morning. I wish i could call him now, just to tell him how ugly he is to me. Just to tell him how colossal his ass is compared to mine. It's now 683 days and still counting. He'll come back right?
I'll pause here for now, tuck myself into bed and sniff his pillow again.
Till my next post, Ji Hee.
P.S, I'm desperately mourning over the death of Michael Jackson. You Should Too.
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